In this blog I would like to share with you the story of how I turned the tide on panic disorder. It wasn't a walk in the park - as my partner always says for you to achieve anything ''work needs to be done", in other words nothing substantial comes without effort.
A little background information about me - I was at that time 33 years old, health conscious individual devoted to keeping fit through cardiovascular exercises, weight training and balanced nutrition, yet in september 2023 I was struck with my first panic attack. The experience was nothing short of terrifying.
Now, picture this - I was sitting at my desk, engulfed in work stress (having started a new business) and pre-wedding jitters ( I was due to get married in two months at the time), I suddenly found myself gasping for air as my heart raced uncontrollably. I remember it to be a sensation that I had never felt or encountered before. Each beat was like a drum pounding against my chest and I could clearly feel my heartbeating as if it were to explode off my chest. Breathing (something that we do unconsciously) - at that moment became a herculean task. It was as if the air had turned into thick syrup and was choking me with each desperate gasp. Panic washed over me like tsunami, threatening to drown me - to eventually swallow me whole.
I sat there confused, fearing I was having a heart attack (cause that is exactly how I imagine a heart attack would feel like), I quickly glanced at my smart watch to see that my heart rate jumped upto 160 beats per minute (Bpm) from 56 Bpm within a minute. The reading on my smart watch somehow made me more anxious so I took it off immediately so I could focus on my next move. My hands and fingers were tingling , they were numb, and my neck and back were aching- all common signs of having a heart attack. My mind was filled with fear and I remember - I sat there thinking that was the last day of my life, the "fear of dying" engulfed me and for a while I had succumbed to that fear. I did not want to die, my whole life was ahead of me - trust me in such a situation, you always think of the worst - so you have to force yourself to think positive - I immediately thought of my life, my family and everything that brings me joy and I diverted my mind towards positive thoughts.
For someone who prioritises fitness and healthy living, I knew this wasn't a case of weak heart. It had to be something else. I was just about to pick up my phone and call an ambulance but there was a thought at the back of my mind that stopped me, I simply could not believe that I was having a heart attack at the age of 33.
In that moment of sheer panic, I resisted the urge of calling for help and instead recalled advice on deep breathing techniques in case some one experiences shortness of breath. To be honest, never in my wildest dreams did I think that 'someone' could be - Me. Stripping off my clothes (a strange but oddly comforting act at that time) I focused on inhaling and exhaling deeply, taking slow deep breaths. Gradually I felt the tension ease off my body. In that moment, like a lighthouse cutting through fog, clarity emerged. I realised that I had to let go of one of my oldest vices - Smoking. Flushing those cigarettes down the toilet felt like shedding a heavy burden, a symbolic gesture of reclaiming control. As I was doing this - I remember praying to god for one last chance at life, I prayed to take better care of my body and to quit smoking if he granted me my wish. And in a matter of minutes the storm within me began to calm. My heart rate began to be steady and air flowed freely into my lungs. However the after effect of my first panic attack lingered on for a few days since the first episode.
My dear readers - this was just the beginning of my battle. Panic attacks continued to plague me that month, each one leaving me feeling drained and apprehensive. It wasn't until my sixth episode coupled with a concerning blood pressure reading, that I decided to seek medical advice. I am not going to describe each episode - this blog would be awfully long in that case, however I will tell you this - each episode of panic attack was sheer horror. It became a vicious cycle - fear breading more panic which in scientific terminology is called - Panic Disorder.
So, reluctantly, I sought medical advice, only to be handed a prescription for beta-blockers. It felt like a Band-Aid was slapped over my gaping wound - superficial and ineffective. I for one, was not at all happy with my general physicians decision to put me on life-long blood pressure medication that too without conducting any investigations. The GP suggested I go see a psychiatrist, because after physically examining me he was sure that there was nothing wrong with my cardiovascular system. He told me it could be a side effect of quitting nicotine and I could reap benefits from psychotherapy . However, both my mind and body knew that could not be the case, as I quit nicotine after my first episode of panic attack. Disheartened by the lack of investigation, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I started my research work, and went in-depth to understand what causes panic attacks in otherwise healthy individuals. To rule out all possibilities I did go see a psychiatrist who was patient, kind and above all encouraged me to get a routine blood test and Electrocardiogram (ECG) test - Finally a medical practitioner who encourged me to investigate the root cause of the issue.
The ECG was normal, so I breathed a sigh of relief, although my blood test revealed severe iron deficiency anemia - a revelation that entirely changed my approach. Due to lack of iron and hemoglobin, the oxygen carrying capacity of my blood was severely reduced which resulted in breathing trouble and palpitations. Stress from encountering these physical symptoms elevated my blood pressure. What I learnt - when you fear another panic attack be rest assured you will get one. Your body manifests what your mind conjures - controlling my thoughts and mind became an important part of my journey in the battle against panic attacks.
Determined to reverse the panic attacks, I diligently focused on dietary changes (incorporating iron rich foods), regular cardiovascular exercises particularly emphasising breathing techniques. With time (in two months) and dedication the panic attacks began to subside. Breathing exercises became my lifeline, a daily ritual to center myself and nourish my body with the oxygen it craved.
Few Breathing Exercises that helped me achieve my goal :
- Box Breathing - Inhale for 4 seconds slowly and deeply, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds. This breathing technique is also called 4-4-4.
- Belly Breathing - Put your hands on your abdomen and take slow deep breaths, essentially feeling your abdomen go up and down.
- Yogic Breathing/ Alternate nostril Breathing - As the name suggests, you breath in with one nostril and breath out with the other nostril, and start the cycle again.
Your Diet Shapes Your Health :
It is said that you are what you eat, and it is true! I was on a nutrient restrictive diet (Keto diet) that eventually carved the way for a new disease. A balanced protein-rich diet provides our body with vitamins, minerals and nutrients we need to thrive.
Here is the scoop - there's something called the ''Central Dogma of Life''. It is basically the golden rule for survival. Our body requires both essential and non essential amino-acids for survival. Non-essential ones are like DIY proteins our body can make, however the essential amino-acids are derived solely from the food we eat.
These amino-acids are like the superheroes of protein synthesis, calling shots for our genetic function. Proteins guide and shape all metabollic and non metabollic functions in our body without which our body will stop functioning the way it is supposed to. Hence they are crucial for all biological processes. Recent investigation done on this field suggests that we can actually flip genetic switches on or off just by changing what we eat! That's why our diet plays such a crucial role in the progression of diseases.
So remember, what you put on your plate isnt about filling your belly - it's about fueling your body and shaping your health journey.
Conclusion :
One thing I learned through this process - the slower and deeper your breaths are, the better it is for your body as you ensure your body and, most importantly your heart is getting sufficient oxygen. The moment we hyperventilate ( while exercising or even when stressed) the gases in our blood get diluted, which affects our cardiovascular system adversely.
My journey taught me valuable lessons. I learned the power of self-awareness, and the importance of listening to my body. Most importantly I learned how to address underlying issues - find the root cause of the problem ( not only in the case of panic attacks and diseases but also in life). My biggest lesson - I learned how to nurture a positive mindset through the storm. Finding the root cause of any problem you are dealing with gives you a better and stronger control over the situation, it forces you to believe that you have everything under " YOUR CONTROL" and that mindset ignites your ''can-do'', ''will-do'' spirit with that newfound confidence you can overcome any obstacle.
Till this day breathing exercises remain my anchor, a reminder that even in moments of chaos I can find the calm within. Life will always be chaotic and full of obstacles so "make order from chaos'' - became my mantra in life.
One message I hope to impart through this - to anyone grappling with their own demons - breath, if I could turn the tide, so can you, and most importantly - you dont have to live with the fear of conjuring another panic attack all your life. Inhale the goodness of life and exhale the darkness of fear. Your body is your temple and by caring for it you can overcome any obstacles - there is a reason why they say "Health is Wealth". Train your heart to wither the storm ahead - by strengthening your cardiovascular system you are making it tolerant towards stress, by breathing slowly and deeply your nourishing your cells with oxygen. So my dear readers, keep breathing, keep believing and above all keep smiling. The journey maybe fraught with challenges but with each breath you draw closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.
